What Are You Putting up With?

Heather Waring

WomenWalking:WomenTalking

There are so many things we all do in life because we feel we need to. This is especially true for us women.

However, our own happiness and the joy with which we live our lives, comes from us knowing ourselves and being comfortable in our own skins. For me, this suggests the need for some exploration into what might be impacting my life and the way I’m living it. Might I want to make changes? Could I make changes? Where would I start?

I have lived in both places and I know which I prefer.

Let’s start then with what in life you are tolerating, what you are putting up with because you feel that you need to.

This could be that long ‘to do’ list that you seem to add more things to than tick things off, perhaps it’s things that need mending, tasks not completed, appointments not made, commitments to others that you don’t want to fulfil, the behaviour or needs of others that don’t serve. Often they are relatively small things but together they form this mass of stuff.

How would it feel if many of these things were off your list? Imagine the person you would be if these things were gone?

We’re going to start by putting together a list, just chuck it all down there. It may be the things that keep you awake to those things you think about when you are awake in the middle of the night. We can prioritise once you have the list.

When I am awake in the early hours and all the things I haven’t done are in my head, I can actually feel quite panicked about it, Definitely not conducive to peace, calm and going back to sleep quickly.

You may find that some things can just be deleted as they don’t fit with what you want. 

How much are these things on your list stopping you being who you want to be? Are they stopping your success? Are they getting in the way of your peace of mind?

After writing the list, it’s time to prioritise, you could use A,B,C and mark tasks accordingly. Batch things together and set a date when you’ll take the action. Don’t try to do too much at any particular time as you won’t succeed, better to aim for less and get it all done. Then the next day you can move onto more things. With large tasks, you may also have to break them down into a number of smaller tasks.

You may find that some things can just be deleted as they don’t fit with what you want. I really hope that there are some of these on your list.

Often the three steps, mentioned – list, prioritise and take action, are all that needs to happen. I would add another step and that’s about taking what you have done and applying the learning which requires ongoing vigilance.

That means, taking a much more immediate action approach so that you keep on top of things and don’t end up with more long lists. It means delegating, it means really questioning whether you should be doing some of these things in the first place and asking if they serve you/ if you get joy from them etc.

As you go through this process I believe that you start to get to know yourself better, you also sharpen your intuition, you become more proactive and it has a knock on effect on your boundary setting.

 An added tip I would share is that if you work better with accountability then you ask a friend or colleague to be your accountability that’s someone you can check in with after telling them what you are going to do. We all need a bit of this every so often.

I’d love to hear how you get on with this. Was it really hard for you? Did you take to it easily? Let me know how you feel as a result of getting rid of these things.

Recently I had about 5 things that needed mending and they had been on my list for months. I decided to do one a day for a week and hey presto, it all got done. I felt such relief and I also felt sad that I had wasted so much time and energy over these things on my ‘to do’ list. 

Finally celebrate what you have achieved and consider how you feel. I would suggest that this exercise is one that’s worth repeating on a regular basis, say once a month over the next 6 -12 months until you get into the way of getting rid of all you are tolerating because at the start you will likely gather some more tolerations, I know I have. But as with many things practice makes perfect or close to it anyhow. The aim is to get you to a point when you are not tolerating anything in your life and you’re living the life you want….on your terms.

If you are interested in making more inroads to who you really are then my ’Stepping Stones …… to Life on your Terms’ online programme may be just what you are looking for. It’s a 16 week rolling programme so you can join it anytime. 

Email me at heather@womenwalkingwomentalking.com

 

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